#Swerve

2017-11-07 17:55:09

It all started with brunch, isn’t that how all the wasted stories start?

 

BEER & a CAPPUCCINO at a new Creole hotspot with my girl Steph. At this orgasmic Southern brunch spot you can swing on hammocks and has the perfect setting for a photo shoot. Yes, check my Instagram @mylindseyleigh At brunch all the dads were drooling with babies strapped to their chest. DIRTY daddies! Yet all this looking and no paying, tisk tisk! Silly Dads should know being cheap won’t get you anywhere with me. Any of you want to show me how daddy is supposed to do it or shall momma punish till she gets what she wants? $36.00, pay on iwantlindsey.com

Steph and I went shopping and I found the cutest dress and jacket. 

 

After playing dress up we went bar hopping. At bar #1 I ran into my EXs best friend (Bye Felicia), of course he stopped me, told me how good I looked. #teamdontcare Silly boy, I know how good I look. I sneaked my way out of that headache to the next bar, where I was then offered Jay-Z Box concert tickets. Fucking Score. I called my main bitch Darebear to turn up! I inform her that it is going to be a long night and it was time to get dirty. She virtually teleported to me and into the limo we went. Joints, bottles, champagne, these boys give me anything I want. VIP spoiled. Naturally I got hungry, even though I don’t eat, I still ordered. Who would say no to me? Crab? Yes, Ill take some. All eyes in the box were locked on us, girls and their men. Stop staring it’s just two beautiful girls, have you not seen two together before? #sorrynotsorry I love being pretty. I got 99 problems but these jealous bitches ain’t one.

 

Start of drunk Lindsey.

Begin dancing sequence away from the basics. 

Dancing interrupted by a security guard. What? Oh, I’m on the railing, no I will not move. This leads to Jay-Z calling out the security guard and letting us and the rest of the crowd move to front row. Even JAY-Z wants our presence.

Continue dancing sequence.

His closing song was epic! He made a tribute to Chester with the song Numb/Encore! The whole venue was lit up! #Wet

We take a car to Nativ Lounge. Immediately approached by men who were “rapey”, as fuck. Yes “rapey”, this is why Darebear is my favorite. Private intimate couch for two? Don’t mind if we do. Finally, away from men. Nope, I spoke too soon. Within minutes this man approaches me saying, “Hello” and going in for a hug. I had no idea who this irrelevant guy is and have to take a couple steps back realize I do recognize him. A little fishy I threw back into the ocean. #SendDickPics We decide to head to the next bar. Why would we get out without swarming? That would be too easy for us. On the way out a different man approaches me. This encounter was brief as I did not recognize him either. Swerve. Onto the next spot. The men were the same there too except with beards and high self esteem I took joy in destroying. Drunk me is my favorite me and Darebear encourages me too much. After realizing we were both wearing signs that read “Fuck me” on it we decided to go home and snuggle.

We wake up the next morning and decide mimosas and slave bought food is a good idea. So I put it out into the universe and poof a bottle of Moet champagne and a fresh bagels pop into our hands.

 

I love my life and friends!

-LL